Be honest, we all knew this movie was going to happen. The title is too perfect, and shark movies are still pretty popular on Syfy. I'm just surprised it took so long for Santa Jaws to come out, considering the school of shark films that came before it. And I'm surprised that I found myself enjoying this low budget flick.
The film opens as a cop stops a homicidal maniac from killing a women dressed as an elf by kicking him off a dock. Unfortunately, a great white gobbles him up and suddenly, a Santa hat appears on the shark's dorsal fin and Santa Jaws is born!
Is it any sillier than a sharknado?
The scene is actually the opening of a comic book drawn by Cody (Reid Miller) and written by his best friend Steve (Hawn Tran). The two are showing it to the owner of the emptiest comic book shop in Louisiana (I'm assuming that's were the film takes place, as it was the filming location, and several establishing shots makes it obvious Cody's family lives in the South) before heading back to their homes to prepare for Christmas.
Unfortunately, the school principle is very unhappy about Cody's not very flattering picture of him and calls Cody's parents. Cody's mom grounds him, then sends him to his room. Cody's bad day gets a bit better when he finds his grandfather's gift, a very old looking artist's pen. Cody uses it to improve his drawing of Santa Jaws while wishing he could spend Christmas alone.
But the pen has magical properties and soon, Santa Jaws is swimming around the local marina, intent on granting Cody's wish by gobbling up those closest to him. And it's going to be easy, as his parents own a restaurant at the marina, and are heading there to prepare for the next day's big Christmas boating event.
And, as expected, mayhem ensues.
The script by Jake Kiernan (his first) hits most of the cliches you'd expect. Cody's brother is a jock and dismissive of him, Cody has a thing for Jena, the girl living across the street, but can't summon up the courage to talk to her. And the comic shop owner gets a hold of the pen at one point, drawing himself a new car, lots of cash and a hot Russian girlfriend.
But still I found myself enjoying the first half of this film, even before the mayhem started. And I credit that to Kiernan's script, which also avoids a lot of cliches. To start, Cody's family are not portrayed as nasty jackasses. Though he's grounded, and his parents don't believe him when he says Grandpa got eaten by a Santa Jaws, they do care for Cody. Once they figure out that Cody is in trouble, nothing stops them from finding him. Cody's dismissive brother joins him to fight against Santa Jaws. His uncle, who arrived earlier with his Internet influencer bride, asks if Cody's still drawing funnies, but later offers to introduce him to the artists he knows in New York.
It's a nice touch I wasn't expecting. Sure, Cody's mad at his family, and grounding him before Christmas Eve was pretty harsh. But the script avoids turning his family into characters that deserve to be stalked by Santa Jaws and raises the stakes for the film's climax.
Whatever you do, don't shoot your eye out!
I also enjoyed Cody's first attempts to neutralize Santa Jaws with the magic pen (oh, come on, that's no spoiler). It just results in her being a badder killing machine, armed with glass Christmas ornament teeth and a candy cane horn. And the fact that Santa Jaws is attracted to anything Christmas, from eggnog to ornaments, is perfect, but I wish it was used a bit more.
Despite the budget, the acting is pretty solid. Most of the cast have some pretty extensive credits according to IMDb, and their ability to avoid diving into campy performances makes the family drama moments resonate, even with the shark mayhem.
Speaking of the shark, the CGI effects are what you'd expect from a low budget film. Fortunately, director Misty Talley, who directed several other made-for-TV shark films, mostly uses a practical model dorsal fin to show Santa Jaws, keeping the full body and underwater shots to a minimum.
Now I have a festive horn. Ho, ho, ho!
The film has issues, but most seem due to the budget and location. To start, the film has a very small cast, with only one extra that meets up with Santa Jaws. This not only minimizes the mayhem Santa Jaws is able to cause, but also makes the marina and other locations look deserted, despite the upcoming Christmas boat cruise. However, extras would cost money, and more shark mayhem would risk overtaxing the CGI budget, so the approach Talley took is understandable. Still, it's easy to wonder if the family somehow made it into one of Krampus' snow globes before the credits rolled.
Also, the film doesn't feel Christmas-y. I know the film was shot in Louisiana, so I didn't expect any snow settling on all the Spanish moss. But with most of the buildings lacking any Christmas lights or decorations feels a bit off.
Christmas or not, you knew someone would be wearing a bikini.
And, even at just 88 minutes, the film starts feeling overly long, as the joke runs out of steam in the final act. I know the running time was needed for the film to air on TV, but Talley needed to find a way to add a few more victims into the film, which might have kept the pace from dragging during the final act.
Despite the flaws, Santa Jaws is enjoyable. The script is better than you'd expect, the cast is very good and Tally keeps story moves at a good pace through most of the runtime. It's not a film to revisit every Christmas, but it's perfect when the nights get chilly, the eggnog is flowing and you want to watch something silly while you're wrapping presents.
Santa Jaws is available to stream on several subscription services, including Amazon Prime, Syfy and DirectTV. You can rent or purchase a digital copy through Amazon and Fandango Now, or purchase it as part of the Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films DVD collection.
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Damn, who knew candy canes could be so sharp!
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