Alexandre Aja’s 2010 remake of Piranha was no cinematic masterpiece, but it was grand fun. Chocked full of gratuitous (female)
nudity and jaw dropping gore, the movie captured the frantic energy of the low
budget features that filled in the slots between the blockbuster seasons during
the 80s. So when Piranha DD
was announced, the filmmaker’s promise to top the prior version seemed
unachievable. But falling short of
Aja’s maniacal mix of blood and boobs is the least of this sequel’s problems.
If you saw the preview, you know the plot. The piranhas survive an eradication
program in Lake Victoria (the lake in the Aja film) and find their way into an
adult themed waterpark. Of course,
mayhem ensues, shotgun legs are fired and someone learns how to swim in the
nick of time. And, as expected,
another sequel is set up in the closing minutes.
Movies like this don’t need a great plot, or even to make
sense, in order to be fun. Aja’s Piranha contained stereotypical
characters and clichéd dialog, but wrapped these elements with gory deaths,
lots of female flesh and a show stopping assault on a massive spring break
party. This type of film works
because, once the plot is set in motion, the story moves at a relentless pace,
barely giving the audience a chance to breathe.
Piranha DD fails to
match both the energy and spectacle of the previous film. For starts, the gore effects are rather
tame, lacking the successive over-the-top moments that peppered Aja’s
film. Though one scene (hinted at
in the trailer) will have viewers of both sexes cringing, most of the gore is
limited to bloody water and floating body parts and the film suffers for not matching the original.
While a rushed production schedule and ultra low budget
could account for the lackluster gore, Piranha
DD has deeper problems. The
script by Patrick Melton, Marcus Dunstan and Joel Soisson, is flat and fails to
deliver on the mayhem. The script
has a few attacks leading to the invasion of the waterpark, but the scenes
aren’t exciting and fail to build in intensity. And once the fish enter the waterpark, director John Gulager
can’t find any way to generate excitement, which isn’t a surprise as all the
victims need do is get out of the pool.
No sinking platforms or boats to be trapped upon, no frantic swim for
yards to reach the shore, and no water vehicle/victim interaction. Gulager is limited to countless shots
of people running out of the pool, as any sense of isolation from safety is
removed by the setting.
Gulager does attempt to match Aja’s parade of topless women,
but his direction is rather dull and uninspired. While Aja delivered several moments that looked more artful
than lecherous, director John Gulager seems content to leer through his lens,
neutering his film by delivering the same fratboy viewpoint that horror fans
have seen since the 80s slasher craze.
As for the acting, it’s pretty good for this type of film,
especially David Hasselhoff’s self-parodying performance. He’s such fun to watch, he outshines
the mayhem and nudity at times, which is not good in a horror film that
promises to, “Double the action.
Double the terror. Double
the D’s.”
Yet even The Hoff’s performance can’t elevate this to the
level of a decent time waster on a rainy Saturday afternoon. You’d be better off watching Aja’s
remake or John Gulager’s first film, Feast,
if you’re looking for cheap, cheesy fun during the winter months.
