Santa Jaws (2018)

 

Be honest, we all knew this movie was going to happen.  The title is too perfect, and shark movies are still pretty popular on Syfy.  I'm just surprised it took so long for Santa Jaws to come out, considering the school of shark films that came before it.  And I'm surprised that I found myself enjoying this low budget flick.

The film opens as a cop stops a homicidal maniac from killing a women dressed as an elf by kicking him off a dock.  Unfortunately, a great white gobbles him up and suddenly, a Santa hat appears on the shark's dorsal fin and Santa Jaws is born!

Is it any sillier than a sharknado?

The scene is actually the opening of a comic book drawn by Cody (Reid Miller) and written by his best friend Steve (Hawn Tran).  The two are showing it to the owner of the emptiest comic book shop in Louisiana (I'm assuming that's were the film takes place, as it was the filming location, and several establishing shots makes it obvious Cody's family lives in the South) before heading back to their homes to prepare for Christmas.

Unfortunately, the school principle is very unhappy about Cody's not very flattering picture of him and calls Cody's parents.  Cody's mom grounds him, then sends him to his room.  Cody's bad day gets a bit better when he finds his grandfather's gift, a very old looking artist's pen.  Cody uses it to improve his drawing of Santa Jaws while wishing he could spend Christmas alone.  

But the pen has magical properties and soon, Santa Jaws is swimming around the local marina, intent on granting Cody's wish by gobbling up those closest to him.  And it's going to be easy, as his parents own a restaurant at the marina, and are heading there to prepare for the next day's big Christmas boating event.

And, as expected, mayhem ensues.

Wait a minute!  I didn't hear the "Da Da, Da Da" music cue!!

The script by Jake Kiernan (his first) hits most of the cliches you'd expect.  Cody's brother is a jock and dismissive of him, Cody has a thing for Jena, the girl living across the street, but can't summon up the courage to talk to her.  And the comic shop owner gets a hold of the pen at one point, drawing himself a new car, lots of cash and a hot Russian girlfriend.

But still I found myself enjoying the first half of this film, even before the mayhem started.  And I credit that to Kiernan's script, which also avoids a lot of cliches.  To start, Cody's family are not portrayed as nasty jackasses.  Though he's grounded, and his parents don't believe him when he says Grandpa got eaten by a Santa Jaws, they do care for Cody.  Once they figure out that Cody is in trouble, nothing stops them from finding him.  Cody's dismissive brother joins him to fight against Santa Jaws.  His uncle, who arrived earlier with his Internet influencer bride, asks if Cody's still drawing funnies, but later offers to introduce him to the artists he knows in New York.  

It's a nice touch I wasn't expecting.  Sure, Cody's mad at his family, and grounding him before Christmas Eve was pretty harsh.  But the script avoids turning his family into characters that deserve to be stalked by Santa Jaws and raises the stakes for the film's climax.

Whatever you do, don't shoot your eye out!

I also enjoyed Cody's first attempts to neutralize Santa Jaws with the magic pen (oh, come on, that's no spoiler).  It just results in her being a badder killing machine, armed with glass Christmas ornament teeth and a candy cane horn.  And the fact that Santa Jaws is attracted to anything Christmas, from eggnog to ornaments, is perfect, but I wish it was used a bit more.

Despite the budget, the acting is pretty solid.  Most of the cast have some pretty extensive credits according to IMDb, and their ability to avoid diving into campy performances makes the family drama moments resonate, even with the shark mayhem.  

Speaking of the shark, the CGI effects are what you'd expect from a low budget film.  Fortunately, director Misty Talley, who directed several other made-for-TV shark films, mostly uses a practical model dorsal fin to show Santa Jaws, keeping the full body and underwater shots to a minimum.

Now I have a festive horn.  Ho, ho, ho!

The film has issues, but most seem due to the budget and location.  To start, the film has a very small cast, with only one extra that meets up with Santa Jaws.  This not only minimizes the mayhem Santa Jaws is able to cause, but also makes the marina and other locations look deserted, despite the upcoming Christmas boat cruise.  However, extras would cost money, and more shark mayhem would risk overtaxing the CGI budget, so the approach Talley took is understandable.  Still, it's easy to wonder if the family somehow made it into one of Krampus' snow globes before the credits rolled.

Also, the film doesn't feel Christmas-y.  I know the film was shot in Louisiana, so I didn't expect any snow settling on all the Spanish moss.  But with most of the buildings lacking any Christmas lights or decorations feels a bit off.  

Christmas or not, you knew someone would be wearing a bikini.

And, even at just 88 minutes, the film starts feeling overly long, as the joke runs out of steam in the final act.  I know the running time was needed for the film to air on TV, but Talley needed to find a way to add a few more victims into the film, which might have kept the pace from dragging during the final act.

Despite the flaws, Santa Jaws is enjoyable.  The script is better than you'd expect, the cast is very good and Tally keeps story moves at a good pace through most of the runtime.  It's not a film to revisit every Christmas, but it's perfect when the nights get chilly, the eggnog is flowing and you want to watch something silly while you're wrapping presents.  

Santa Jaws is available to stream on several subscription services, including Amazon Prime, Syfy and DirectTV.  You can rent or purchase a digital copy through Amazon and Fandango Now, or purchase it as part of the Shark Bait: 6 Killer Shark Films DVD collection. 

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 Damn, who knew candy canes could be so sharp!

 

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Anna and the Apocalypse might not be the first zombie musical, but it is the first set at Christmas and it is a blast for fans of horror films and movie musicals.  It's a lot of fun, a bit dark and gory, and will get your toes tapping to the musical numbers.  If this review doesn't have you seeking this film for a holiday viewing, either I've failed in my job reviewing it or your heart needs to grow a few sizes.

The first thing making this film so special that it's not a jukebox musical.  You won't find any popular tunes shoehorned into the script.  Roddy Hart and Tommy Reilly deliver a soundtrack that reminds one of an old school 50s musical, with the lyrics and tempo matching how the characters are feeling.  It's brilliant work and is one soundtrack I'll be adding to my collection.  

The story follows Anna (Ella Hunt, in a fabulous performance), as she's heading to school before Christmas break.  Her best friend John (Malcolm Cumming), hitching a ride to school with her, let's slip to Anna's father, Tony (Mark Benton), that she plans to travel after her upcoming graduation, rather than heading to college.  Tony is dismayed by this, but the discussion is put off until later, in favor of two great musical number, "Break Away" and "Hollywood Ending."

 Yeah, it looks like an episode of Glee.  But just wait, this film does have zombies!

During all the music, we are introduced to several students, including Steph (Sarah Swire), who is trying to get an article on homelessness onto the school blog, only to be blocked by the vice principle Mr. Savage (Paul Kaye); Nick (Ben Wiggins), a bully whom Anna appears to have slept with; filmmaker Chris (Christopher Leveaux), who is having difficulty completing an assignment for his class and his girlfriend Lisa (Marli Siu), who has a big musical number in the school play.  Oh, I should mention that Anna's father Tony works as the school janitor.

Okay, our players are set, the zombie apocalypse starts, and everyone heads for the school to save their family and friends, foil Mr. Savage's weird attempt to seize control, and sail off for a Hollywood ending.

And once you hear that song, you'll know what I mean when I say mayhem ensues.

One of the more interesting aspects of the film is why it was set during Christmas, as none of the musical numbers deal with the season.  With the exception of one (racy) holiday song performed by Lisa during the school holiday pageant, the film could have taken place during any season.  But, aside from the notoriety, the choice of the season is pretty symbolic.

 Besides, it's cool to watch the hear brain zombies with a giant wooden candy cane.

In the Northern hemisphere, Christmas is related to the Winter solstice, the longest night of the year, marking the symbolic death, and eventual rebirth, of the sun.  The Winter solstice marks the start of deep winter, or the "famine months."  Observation of the solstice was key to determining when to slaughter cattle (providing meat and conserving grains) and how to rationing food stores in order to survive until spring.

So you can look at the use of the season two ways.  One, the apocalypse is the start of a season that will test the characters, one not all will survive.  It's the start of the famine months, in a way.  Though the zombies have plenty to eat. 

But looking at the death and rebirth of the sun, the film becomes a metaphor for taking their first steps into adulthood.  By the end of the film, the survivors have experience the same grief many of us did as high school friends drifted away and the high-school romance fractured under the weight of college or work.  Sure, the zombie apocalypse makes the characters' losses in the movie quite permanent, and the pace is significantly sped up.  But their experiences echo ours as they drive away fro the high school for an uncertain future.    

Singing and dancing appears to make you lose your peripheral vision.

The script by Alan McDonald (based on a short film by Ryan McHenry) subverts the standard coming-of-age film troupes.   My favorite example of this is Nick, who revels at the film's midpoint (and just before another amazing song) that he killed his father, who was bitten by a zombie.  Yet during the climax, he delivers a line that reveals the crack in his bravado, a nice touch for the character.

John is another great example.  His character could have been the stereotypical nice guy (in the song "Hollywood Ending," he sings about how he suspects the nice guy doesn't get the girl), but he's still Anna's friend.  He supports her decision to travel, he says she can do anything, and he NEVER gets creepy.  Sure, Anna starts looking at him differently as the film progresses, but he doesn't try to force himself on her.  He's infatuated with her, but he would rather be her friend than a stalker.

And, at this point, I have to post a SPOILER ALERT.  Skip the next paragraph if you want to avoid having some plot points spoiled.

The film has a couple of characters who don't make it until the end of the film, but their lyrics during the "Hollywood Ending" scene (and if you see the film, you'll know who they are), doom them.  The two were the antithesis of that musical number, and as such, they get their Hollywood ending, as their romance never leaves the school.  It's a brilliant subversion of the Hollywood musical/high school film, as many such romances never survive the crushing pressure of adulthood.

END OF SPOILERS.  Hey, I kept it short for once!

And yes, as I said, you do get a Christmas production number.  Just not one that's PTA approved.

The cast is excellent.  As I mentioned before, Hunt is amazing, but the rest of the young cast are quite good as well.   As for the adult actors, Benton is solid as Anna's father.  Though he's upset about his daughter's plans to travel before college, his love and concern for her future is always evident.  The only problem I have is the portrayal of the vice-principle, Mr. Savage.  Sure, the character is suppose to be an ass, but Kaye is never given an opportunity to delve into why grabbing control of a high school is so important to Savage.  Instead, he just becomes the cliche evil adult the kids have to fight against during the climax.

The script, the direction, the music, it all hit the marks.  Director John McPhail stages the musical numbers beautifully, relying on the cast to convey the mood of each song, rather than a series of jump cuts.  And the cast responses so well, it feels like watching a musical from the 40s or 50s. 

But fear not, zombie fans.  After the song "Turning my Life Around," as Anna and John sing about a brand new day and dance through the zombie apocalypse like Shaun going to the local market, a zombie snowman brings on the gore.  And it's pretty good stuff, considering the R-rating, and you can tell the filmmakers knew they had to have some bloody zombie kills, but inventive ones as well.  And the movie does deliver on that count, but without burying the characters in an avalanche of blood and guts.

 How did we end up on the set of Jack Frost?

Anna and the Apocalypse is a truly infectious movie.  The energetic cast, sharp direction and snappy songs should make this a classic for all horror fans.  Unless your heart is two sizes too small.  That's on you, ya old Grinch.

You can find this film on Amazon Prime, on DVD, or you can purchase an imported Blu-Ray if you have a region free player. 

At least Anna won't shoot her eye out with her weapon of choice.

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