The Elf (2017)

If you look at the promotional artwork for The Elf and expect a merry slashing romp akin to Jack Frost, you'll be as disappointed as I was in the film.  Though the titular character does strike an Elf on a Shelf pose in one scene, this uneven indie production seems more interested in being a psychological thriller more akin to Psycho.  Which would have been fine, as I was getting interested in this unexpected story line, until the moments that seem to have migrated into the film from the cheesy movie promised by the poster deflated the tension and mystery build up earlier.

After a rather unnecessary opening involving a toymaker sewing the lips of a young boy shut, the film opens in present day as Nick (Gabriel Miller) visits the toy store he inherited in his hometown.  Well, it's more of a flea market, with plenty of old furniture and nicknacks, but as this is a low budget indie production, it's understandable if the production has to work with whatever location they can find.

Anyway, Nick opens a mysterious locked chest (NEVER a good thing) and, as snow falls around him, he finds the Elf and the curse surrounding it.  Yep, this stuffed doll takes out the ones on its naughty list, and that one name can be removed, sparing the victim.  And, as you might expect, after he reads the scroll, the Elf, and the snow, vanishes.

After he and his girlfriend Victoria (Natassia Halabi) head to the family home, they find the Elf on a shelf, looking down on them.  Surprise!

I see you when you're sleeping...

That should be enough to creep you out enough.

Nick isn't a fan of Christmas, due to a past childhood event that ended in multiple deaths.  But Victoria has invited her family to the house, in an attempt to install some holiday cheer into Nick.  As you might expect, mayhem ensues.

Okay, that's the basics of the story.  And I have to say, I was enjoying the film up until the first victims meet their demise.  Because, up until this point, all the interactions with the Elf were filmed in a manner that cast suspicion on Nick.  He was alone with the Elf at the toy shop, and Victoria doesn't notice the Elf sitting on the shelf until Nick points it out to her, allowing for the possibility that Nick set it up there.  Miller was giving a pretty good performance, looking like a man just hanging onto his sanity, and Halabi was fine as his concerned fiancee.  And when the family showed up, I was expecting a couple more unexplained Elf moments, this time around some dead bodies, before Nick goes full Torrance.

Such an approach could have worked.  Given the budget constraints, director Justin Price delivered a pretty well shot film, and showed a deft hand hand at staging the early scenes to make the audience suspect Nick.  But screenwriter Price should have given the script another rewrite, as it falters at this point and becomes a rather confused mess, unsure if it should continue on it's path or embrace the cheesy side.

The problems start with the first deaths, as the victims find the Elf in the back seat of their car before they are dispatched.  Oh, and the Elf moves, so all the suspense generated by not knowing if Nick is crazy or not is wasted.  And once this happens, it sends the film into a spiral from which it can't recover.

Further complicating the problem is the fact that the search party looking for the victims head straight into the woods surrounding the house, not the car parked in the freaking driveway!  Even though the scene does further the plot, and gives us more details on Nick's past, sending the pair into the woods before searching the most obvious location first makes you wonder if they'd drank too much spiked eggnog.

 So, should we burn the creepy doll with a knife?

Nah, let's just lock it in a garbage can.  It will be fine.

Adding to the script's misfires are the carolers who appear at the house.  Fine, except for two points.  First, earlier in the film, Nick wants to leave the town, but it appears a massive snowstorm has shut down the local airport.  Okay, all the exterior scenes have snow in them, but certainly not the oppressive amount needed to shut down an airport.  We never see even a hint of the storm discussed, but I was willing to let that one go.  After all, faking a  snowstorm was probably not in the budget.  But you shouldn't expect the audience to believe a group of carolers would drive to an isolated house just to sing a few songs during a snowstorm that's closed an airport.  Suspension of disbelief is a delicate thing to maintain, and stretching it too far will make the audience start counting all the holes in your plot.

But the bigger issue is how the singers are killed.  Most are strangled by a string of Christmas lights that appear to take on a life of their own.  Sure, it might have been on behalf of the Elf, I guess, but it's never made clear that the creature caused it, and never comes up again.  Seriously, I'm sure the CGI work was expensive, but having a moment where we see the Elf manipulate the lights by simply waving its hands would have helped the film.

Even worse, the witnesses within the house aren't freaked out by watching several people being strangled by animated lights.  It's like they shrug their shoulders, mutter something like, "You don't see that every day," and continue on, with no regard that some supernatural being might be hunting them.

That, and a later victim gift wrapped alive without any explanation why the Elf abandoned his normal habit of slashing victims, amplifies the problems with this film.  It would be fine if the Elf was killing everyone with a holiday twist, but the film doesn't give into the inner cheesiness with those deaths.  It was as if Price knew he needed to have some show stopping deaths to sell the film, but he didn't allow the script to give into the silliness it needed to make such a transition work.

Damn it, why aren't I safe in the bathroom?

Oh yeah, this film has become a silly slasher flick.  

Should have noticed the tone change earlier.

Look, lots of bad holiday horror films work, as long as they embrace the stupidity of their plot.  But by generating a different vibe in the first half, without embracing the cheesy goofiness of the a doll dispatching victims in a twisted holiday theme, The Elf fails to live up to the promise of the first half, and not delivering once the mayhem ensues.

And that leads to a bigger problem with the basic premise, at least for me.  Come on, it's a freaking doll.  Sure, it's possessed by a demon and can hide in unexpected places, but it's basic modus operandi is to stab people to death.  Once a character is faced with a stuffed doll trying to stab them, all they have to do is contain them the stupid thing, rip off its arms and toss it in the fire.  Sure, it might be possessed by a demon, but it can't do much once its vessel is destroyed.

Or maybe it can.  That would make for an interesting climax The Elf ignored.

And once the movie introduces a final plot twist, which does explain a few things, it's too sudden and, even worse, makes little sense.  The story attempts a "gotcha" moment without any setup or explaining why other characters went along with it, as they would know they were facing a murderous doll.  And why they didn't take precautions against it is the final nail in the coffin for this film.

Had Price either gone full out cheesy, or kept the mystery concerning the identity of the killer hidden for a bit longer, the film might have been an enjoyable holiday romp.  Instead, toss The Elf on your Yule Log and watch the sucker burn.  It will be more entertaining than the film.

Yeah, this sums up the film.

A bright, shiny package that stabs you in the end. 
I should have seen it coming.

The weather may be cooler, but Pacific Northwest Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Fans will find things HEATING UP!

Forget the weather outside, the genre events coming to the Pacific Northwest are getting FRIGHTFUL, as you'll see in this edition of the Weekly Update.  John McClane is blasting his way into several theaters (and a stage production), along with gremlins, killer Santas and zombies.  On the nicer side, you'll find angels, Batman, Santa taking on Martians and helpful ghosts redirecting a miser's life.  Best of all, the granddaddy of cinematic vampires, Nosferatu, returns to The Hollywood Theatre in Portland, OR, for an encore screening next weekend! 

And, of course, Krampus will be lurking about!!  Damn, that Christmas demon is EVERYWHERE now!

His continued presence shouldn't be a surprise,

as he's pals with a jolly old elf!

But the fun doesn't stop in December, Pacific Northwest Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Fans!  I've been adding some great events coming in 2019, from news on guests in several area cons, to stage productions, and MUCH MORE!!  Check out the Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Calendar for all the news you need to plan out the New Year.  And don't forget, I'm updating it every few days, so keep checking back!

If you want your upcoming event listed on the calendar, all you need to do is email me at shadowoverportland@live.com and I'll take care of the rest.  Best of all, you'll reach hundreds of Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Fans across the Pacific Northwest for FREE!

So have a great holiday season, and may your days be merry and full of FUN AND FRIGHT!!  And don't forget, The Shadow Over Portland will continue to cover the Pacific Northwest in 2019!

Now Playing

Die Hard: The Parody Musical returns to the Funhouse Lounge (2432 SE 11th Ave in Portland, OR) to put the Ho-Ho-Ho back in the holidays!  The production runs through Saturday, December 29.  For more details, including showtimes and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Time to Twist Your Dickens at the Portland Center Stage at The Armory (128 NW Eleventh Ave in Portland, OR), as Second City's riff on the classic A Christmas Carol returns.  The production is updated every year, so expect some new jokes mixing in with old favorites.  The production runs through Sunday, December 23.  For more details, including showtimes and advance ticket sales, visit the Portland Center Stage website.

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The Dragonfly Cinema (822 Bay St in Port Orchard, WA) will screen Border, a "midnight movie for the artiest of art-houses," through Tuesday, December 16.  The film is based on a novella by Swedish writer John Ajvide Lindquist (Let the Right One In)  For more details and showtimes, visit the Facebook Event Page or the Dragonfly Cinema website.

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The Academy Theater (7818 SE Stark St in Portland, OR) will show the holiday horror film Gremlins through Thursday, December 13.  For more details, visit the Academy Theater website.

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Also at the Academy Theater (7818 SE Stark St in Portland, OR) this week is Frank Capra's classic Christmas fantasy It's a Wonderful Life, playing through Thursday, December 13.  For more details, visit the Academy Theater website.

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The Darkside Cinema (215 SW 4th St in Corvallis, OR) will screen Border, a "midnight movie for the artiest of art-houses," through Tuesday, December 13.  The film is based on a novella by Swedish writer John Ajvide Lindquist (Let the Right One In)  For more details and showtimes, visit the Darkside Cinema website.

December, 2018

Wednesday, December 12

If you missed out last week, Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) gives you another chance to test your knowledge of all things Sunnydale tonight with Buffy the Vampire Slayer Trivia Night!  The fun starts at 7 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales (hurry, the event is likely to sell out), visit the Facebook Event Page.

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FLASH!  AH-HAAAAA!!!  The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) screens the 80s cult classic Flash Gordon tonight at 6:30 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Weird Wednesday at The Joy Cinema and Pub (11959 SW Pacific Highway in Tigard, OR) takes you Beyond Atlantis tonight at 9:15 pm.  This Fillipino-American production stars the AWESOME John Ashley (Brides of Blood) and Patrick Wayne (who you can thank for keeping this planned exploitation film as family friendly as possible).  Admission is FREE, but you must be 18 or older to attend.  Be sure to stop at the concession stand before the film for some tasty treats and beverages before the film, as this helps The Joy Cinema keep Wednesdays WEIRD!  For more details, visit The Joy Cinema website. 

Thursday, December 13

The Blue Mouse Theatre (2611 N Proctor St in Tacoma, WA) screens Frank Capra's classic Christmas fantasy It's a Wonderful Life tonight as a benefit for Nourish Pierce County.  Doors open at 6 pm for Santa and the Northwest Repertory Singers.  Admission is $10 and food donations will be collected.  For more details, visit the Blue Mouse Theatre website.


Friday, December 14

The Capitol Theater (206 5th Ave SE in Olympia, WA) celebrates the 30th anniversary of the greatest Christmas movie ever made, Die Hard, with screenings tonight and tomorrow at 9 pm, and a 7:30 pm showing on Sunday, December 26.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Academy Theater (7818 SE Stark St in Portland, OR) will show the greatest Christmas movie ever made, Die Hard, through Thursday, December 20.  For more details, visit the Academy Theater website.

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The Nile Nightmares Haunted House (6601 244th St SW in Mountlake Terrace, WA) have some holiday scares in mind as Krampus is Coming to Town 2018 takes place tonight and tomorrow!  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The House of Shadows (1776 NW Fairview Dr in Gresham, OR) presents The Nightmare After Halloween on today and tomorrow.  This interactive Christmas Experience is for ages 8 and up.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Saturday, December 15

It's time for Geek the Halls 2018, taking place this weekend at the DoubleTree Hotel Portland (1000 NE Multnomah St in Portland, OR).  It's Portland's original nerdy craft fair, the perfect place to find gifts for geeky loved ones, or even yourself!  Door open at 10 am on Saturday and Sunday, and admission is FREE!!  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Oregon Symphony presents Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas in Concert tonight at 7:30 pm and tomorrow at 2 pm at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall (1037 SW Broadway in Portland, OR).  Part of the Oregon Symphony's Popcorn Package, the event features a full HD screening of the feature with the orchestra performing the soundtrack live.  And costumes are encouraged.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Northwest Film Center will screen Satoshi Kon's final animate feature, Paprika, at 4:30 pm this afternoon at the Portland Art Museum Whitsell Auditorium (1219 SW Park Ave in Portland, OR).  Be aware, there is a content warning for sexual assault.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit the Northwest Film Center website.

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The Northwest Film Center follows up Paprika with a screening of Satoshi Kon's first feature, Perfect Blue, at 7 pm this evening at the Portland Art Museum Whitsell Auditorium (1219 SW Park Ave in Portland, OR).  Be aware, there is a content warning for sexual assault and animated violence.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit the Northwest Film Center website.

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Torchsong Entertainment presents Christmas in a Galaxy Far, Far Away from noon to 3 pm today at Peninsula Lodge #128, IOOF (4834 N Lombard St in Portland, OR).  This fundraiser offers you the chance to tell Vader Claus what you want for "Sithmas," themed beverages, vendors, songs, trivia and MUCH MORE!  For more details, including a list of events and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Olde World Puppet Theatre presents The Nutcracker Cracked at the Portland Puppet Museum (906 SE Umatilla St in Portland, OR) through Sunday, December 30.  This wacky send up of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Ballet is suitable for the whole family, and features 84 new rod puppets to perform the entire ballet in just 38 minutes!  For more details, including showtimes and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Tacoma's Dark Market presents the second annual Urban Unglued: Terror in the Tree from 10 am to 5 pm at the Dryer Masonic Center (306 134th St S in Tacoma, WA).  Shop handmade curiosities, clothing, toys and MORE!  Admission is FREE.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Ground Zero Krampus Party 2018 takes place at 7 pm tonight at The Hawthorne Hideaway (2221 SE Hawthorne Blvd in Portland, OR).  Enjoy live music, a costume contest, Clyde Lewis talking about the history of Krampus and MORE.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Dragonfly Science Theater returns to the Dragonfly Cinema (822 Bay St in Port Orchard, WA) tonight at 9 pm, as local comedians Owen Eardley, Sean O'Neil and Steven Dombrosky offer a live commentary during Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Sunday, December 16

Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) invites you join John McClane in heckling Hans and his crew with a screening of Die Hard in Hecklevision tonight at 9:30 pm.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Michael Gray Photography is another photo opportunity with Krampus from 3 to 8 pm at the Delta Cafe (4607 SE Woodstock Blvd in Portland, OR).  Take home a quality photo folder with a print of you and the Christmas demon for just $10 each.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Krampus Holiday Bazaar takes place from noon to 6 pm at The Church Cantina (5240 South Tacoma Way in Tacoma, WA).  The event features music, food, drinks, vendors, black Christmas trees, an all ages bar (with ID) and Krampus!  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Shriek: A Women of Horror Film Class is hosting a Holiday Party with a screening of the horror comedy Better Watch Out tonight at 7 pm.  The event takes place at Naked City Brewery and Taphouse (8564 Greenwood Ave N in Seattle, WA) and you must be 21 or older to attend.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Rio Grind Film Festival presents the French film Dial Code Santa Claus (AKA Deadly Games) at the Rio Theatre (1600 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC).  Made a year before Macaulay Culkin was left home alone to face the  Wet Bandits, this is basically Home Alone with more style and a lot more BLOOD!  The film is presented in French with English subtitles.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Monday, December 17

The Clinton Street Resistance series at the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton St in Portland, OR) presents The Dark Crystal tonight at 7 pm.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Tuesday, December 18

The Grindhouse Film Festival at The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) continues it's holiday tradition with a screening of the classic Christmas slasher film Silent Night, Deadly Night, in GLORIOUS 35mm, tonight at 7:30 pm.  Advance tickets are recommended, as the show sells out every year.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

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The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) brings The Gentlemen Hecklers back to work through the sequel to the greatest Christmas movie ever made, Die Hard II: Die Harder.  Showtime is 8 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Wednesday, December 19

Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) presents Better Improv through Die Hard tonight at 7 pm.   Yep, local improviser Douglas Willott will use the greatest Christmas movie ever made to show you how to improve your improv!  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Willamette Radio Workshop brings A Radio Christmas Carol to Cerimon House (5141 NE 23rd Ave in Portland, OR) tonight at 7 pm.  This is a benefit for the Transition Project's new Walnut Park shelter.  Admission is FREE with donations of men's clothing, new socks, new underwear or toiletries.  A $10 cash donation per person will also be accepted.  Doors open at 6:30 pm.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

Friday, December 21

Just in time for the Winter Solstice, Friday Night Frights brings the chilling 30 Days of Night to the Blue Mouse Theatre (2611 N Proctor St in Tacoma, WA).  The show starts at 10 pm and admission is just $6 at the door.  But arrive early for a chance to win a prize during the horror trivia contest before the film!  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Olde World Puppet Theatre presents The Nutcracker Cracked Adult Night Out at the Portland Puppet Museum (906 SE Umatilla St in Portland, OR) tonight only at 7:30 pm.  This wacky send up of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Ballet is suitable for the whole family, and features 84 new rod puppets to perform the entire ballet in just 38 minutes!  And you can take part in a wine tasting!!  For more details, including showtimes and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) screens a digital restoration of Frank Capra's classic Christmas fantasy, It's a Wonderful Life, tonight at 6:30 pm, and tomorrow at 2 pm.  For more details, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

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The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) presents the Finnish Christmas horror film Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale tonight at 9:30 pm.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

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Yippie-ki-yay, motherfuc......  Oh, you know the rest.  The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) will screen the greatest Christmas movie ever filmed, Die Hard, for the Friday Late Night Movie tonight at 11 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit Facebook Event Page.

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The Dragonfly Cinema (822 Bay St in Port Orchard, WA) will screen the Christmas classic Gremlins through Tuesday, December 25.  For more details, including showtimes, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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Michael Gray Photography offers you one last chance to get Photos with Krampus today from 4 to 9 pm, and Saturday from noon to 5 pm, at Oblique Coffee Roasters (3039 SE Stark St in Portland, OR).  Get a quality photo folder with a print of you and the Christmas demon for just $10 each.  For more details, visit this Facebook Event Page for Saturday, and this Facebook Event Page for Saturday.

Saturday, December 22

Yippie-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!  Weird Elephant at The Grand Cinema (606 S Fawcett Ave in Tacoma, WA) presents Die Hard, the greatest Christmas movie ever made, tonight at 11 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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McMenamins Mission Theater and Pub (1624 NW Glisan in Portland, OR) will screen Frank Capra's classic holiday fantasy, It's a Wonderful Life, starring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, through Monday, December 24.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit the Mission Theater website.

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Yippie-ki-yay, motherfuc......  Oh, you know the rest.  The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) will screen the greatest Christmas movie ever filmed, Die Hard, tonight at 6:30 pm.  For more details and advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

UPDATE: This screening is SOLD OUT.

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The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) piles on the Christmas mayhem with a screening of Die Hard 2: Die Harder tonight at 9:30 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

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Campout Cinema at the Museum of Pop Culture (325 5th Ave N in Seattle, WA) presents the greatest Christmas film ever made, Die Hard, tonight at 7 pm.  The night includes cocktails, photo ops and access to MoPOP's sci fi and horror galleries.  You must be 21 or older to attend.  For more details, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) presents another Christmas themed classic film, Tim Burton's Batman Returns, tonight at 10:15 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.

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If you missed out last month, The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) is bringing back the 1922 classic Nosferatu, with Hollywood Organist Dean Lemire performing his original score on the Beverly Ruth Nelson memorial organ.  Buy tickets early, as the two showings in November SOLD OUT!  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

Sunday, December 23

The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) presents the Christmas slasher classic Black Christmas tonight at 9:30 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit The Hollywood Theatre website.

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The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) presents the Christmas high school zombie musical Anna and the Apocalypse tonight and Wednesday, December 26, at 9:30 pm.  For more details and a link to advance ticket sales, visit the Facebook Event Page.