The office is dark, and won't light up until next year.

Sorry to be away for so long, and not posting a reason until now.  But I just haven't had the energy or focus to sit at my computer and write for a while, and even this post is stressing me out.  For different reasons, but we'll get into that.

Let me explain what happened.  Along with the daily stresses most everyone is facing, I've been dealing with depression for a few years now.  I'm not getting into the details, as I'm sure many of us are facing similar situation.  

I was seeing someone for it last year, and it was nice talking to a non-judgmental person about what I was feeling.  But it got to a point where I could no longer afford it, and the sessions lead me to the realization that I would never eliminate parts of my life that trigger my depression.  

So I accepted that I'd have good weeks and bad weeks, and decided to do my best and worked around that part of my life.  Sure, it made me miss posting for a week or two at times, but I'd always got back it, because I loved putting out content at The Shadow Over Portland.  I wanted to put out more,, like reviews, opinion pieces and interviews with local creators, but never had the time, or energy, to commit to such a task.  So I accepted the fact that all I could do was an occasional review, update the calendar, and post the update.

Until this June.

It's hard to describe how I felt.  Imagine your bones infused with lead, your brain clouded in a perpetual fog thicker than any cinematic representation of London, and you give up caring about any sense of hygiene, personally and in your living space.  I forced myself to clean up for work (have to pay the bills).  But I'd come home, crash on the couch and mindlessly watch YouTube videos, or a favorite comfort film.  Or doom-scroll on my news feed and social media sites.  It wasn't much of an existence, but it was all I was able to muster the energy to do.    

I have to get up now and do stuff?  Fine, it's not going to be pretty.

It took three months, but eventually, I started taking care of myself.  I started showering every other day (yeah, it was THAT bad), stopped doom-scrolling, and started reading books and magazines instead.  And I forgot how much I LOVE to read.  In less than a month, my foot-tall, to-read magazine pile vanished, I finished a bunch of books and started others (can't believe it took this long to start The Lord of the Rings trilogy). And I was pretty happy.  Not dancing on the ceiling happy, but better than I've in a while.

It's not that the writing bat hadn't sank its fangs into me again.  Last week, I started an outline on a fantasy novel (probably should work on finishing up the first one, a pulpy horror story), and began editing other stories I'd written earlier.

But every time I started working on the site, I could feel my stress level rising.  And it became worse as THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR approached and I knew I'd never be able to get the calendar updated in time.

So I'm going on/continuing my hiatus until 2026.  I might post a few reviews, but the Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Calendar will not be updated.  Still, if you're following me on Facebook, I'm sharing all the stuff I find on the site.

I'll be honest, the Calendar has been a major point of stress in my life.  The sheer number of events taking place in the Pacific Northwest over the past 24 years have increased beyond my expectations, though that might be more from my awareness of events and local movie theaters.  And I can't think about trying to update it now without feeling tension in my shoulders, my jaw clenching, and my mental state spiraling downward.

I'd like to tell you what to expect from The Shadow Over Portland in 2026, but I have no idea.  I'm done promising to get things done on the site, only to disappoint my readers and myself.  What I will say is that I'm going to spend some time thinking about how I can make the site more than it is, with interviews, reviews and opinion pieces.  I can't say the Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Calendar will continue, or if it won't be truncated in some fashion.  But I'll let you know in December.  That much, I can promise.

Anyway, I WILL be back in 2026.  I'm sorry for the timing of this, and believe me, writing this was hard for me.  But I need to take the time off and formulate how I can keep the site going without sacrificing my mental health.  Again, I'm sorry for this, but I hope to come back with a better site next year.

Have a MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, and I'll be back in December with my plans for The Shadow Over Portland.  Take care, everyone.