Saturday, October 5, 2013

I, Frankenstein looks amazingly bad

Maybe I should have saved this for Frightfully Funny Friday, but it's not very funny.  In fact, it's quite depressing....

I watched the first part of this trailer in shock, wondering who was insane enough to turn The Monster into a reluctant action hero.  But once I saw the producers of the Underworld series were involved, everything about this trailer made sense.  It's the same formula that gave us Kate Beckinsale in pleather, or a tortured vampire falling in love with a Slayer.

The script writes itself at this point.  Take one brooding monster who is humanity's only hope against an army of CGI generated supernatural beings, add in massive battles, collapsing buildings and huge explosions.  Of course, the final ingredient is the inclusion of a British actor (in this case, Bill Nighy) as the villain, just to give the production a hint of class.  Stir well, then sit back and wait for a big opening weekend in January.

Of course, the expected outcome is another monster-as-hero franchise, which would be easy enough to ignore.  But the unholy offspring, should I, Frankenstein make enough money, will be studios rebooting other classic horror characters as heroes.

As one example, I'm sure some studio executive would love to turn Doctor Jekyll into a darker version of The Hulk, after that character made such an impression on audiences in The Avengers.  Just imagine the 3D CGI mayhem on the screen as a steroid-crazed Mr. Hyde battles a demonic horde intent on ruling the Earth.  After all, massive CGI destruction is a sure fire ingredient for big box office.

Or maybe Universal will finally reboot The Gill-Man, but turn him into humanity's only hope against an evil oil company CEO intent on using his off shore drilling operations to open the Gates of Hell.  Oh, and get Miley Cyrus to put on the swimsuit, as underwater twerking will look great in 3D!  A depressing thought, I know, but given Universal's recent track record rebooting their collection of monsters, such an unholy abomination is an almost certain outcome.

Before you chastise me for giving a studio head any ideas, I suspect such treatments (or ones even worse) are already on hold, as executives wait to see how I, Frankenstein does in the box office.  And if the studios smell money coming from this film, 2015 is could be a very long, depressing year.

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