Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

A film dealing with a Santa-800 running rampant through a small town sounds like fun, but...

Hi, Chris.  It's the Ghost of Christmas Past.  I'm back!

Yeah, like a bad case of food borne illness. 

Just a reminder, you've only done three reviews this month, and it's half over.

Hey, I posted a review of Godzilla Minus One.

That's not a Christmas movie.

It's a big Christmas gift for Kiaju fans.  And a great movie.

Doesn't count.  Oh, and you missed posting the Weekly Update last Friday.

I know.  But I was sick last week, and my weekend shift was bloody hell.  Cut me a bit of slack.

No can do.  That's not how Christmas Ghosts work.

Whatever.  Just go away so I can get back to writing this review.

Sure.  See you later.

Oh, lucky me.  So, Christmas Bloody Christmas.  Basically, this is a low-budget take on The Terminator, only the killer robot is dressed as Santa.  Sounds like fun, but the film has some flaws that limits its ho-ho-horror delivery.  

The film opens on Christmas Eve, where record store owner Tori (Riley Dandy, who's appeared in a few less-horrific Christmas films) is looking forward to a night of drinking and getting laid by a Tinder date.  Her employee Sam (Robbie Reynolds), who's crushing on her, convinces her to spend the night drinking with him instead.  

During a stop at a local bar, the two see a news broadcast about robotic Santas, based off a US Defense Department program, malfunctioning.  But that doesn't bother them, even though pair visit a local toy store to visit a couple who work there, and has one of the Santa units, apparently switched off.

But after they leave, the Santa-800 activates itself, grabs an axe, kills the two employees (while they're having sex, of course), and heads out to create some Christmas mayhem.  And Tori gets caught up in the bloody rampage.

Well, I've got an axe, and evil green eyes.  Your milk and cookies won't be enough to appease me.

While the film sounds like fun, it didn't work for me for a few reasons.  The biggest flaw is that Tori comes off as unlikeable right off, and the script gives her no opportunity to change during the events of the evening.  It's not the fault of Dandy, who gives a good performance, but the script gives her a personality that's just grating and leaves you cheering on the Santa-800.

I'm not saying characters have to be likable when they're introduced in a film.  They can have flaws, but a protagonist needs some redeeming qualities to make the audience want them to survive the upcoming conflict.  Comparing Tori with David Harbour's Santa in Violent Night, you can see how the script fails her character.  

At the start of Violent Night, Santa's not a likable character.  He's cynical about Christmas and kids, he pukes on a bartender, and seems more interested in getting drunk than delivering gifts.  But his antics are presented in a comedic tone, and his reasons for being Grinchy are relatable.  And through his relationship with Trudy, Santa is given a redemption arc that Tori lacks.  While Santa still has some rough edges at the conclusion of the film, we've seen him become a better person than he was at the start of the film.

Unfortunately, after her battle with the Santa-800, it's easy to feel Tori's will be the same insufferable person as she was in the opening.  While it's fine to have a character the audience doesn't like at the start of a film, the events of the script needs to make them more appealing, or else it's hard hope they survive.  As I said, Dandy is good in the role, but the script gives her little to work with, or make me not care if the Santa-800 kills her.

Sure, she's covered in blood and takes on the robotic Santa by herself.  But dammit, I just didn't care.

Another problem is how a small town toy shop could afford a robotic Santa.  Sure. some large chain stores buying such a device makes sense, as a robot doesn't need breaks, their programming will insure they don't call out sick or have a bad day that affects customers.  That's capitalism, baby.

But we have no indication that such an extravagant device would be affordable to small retail stores, given potential upgrades and replacing worn out parts.  The script could have delivered a line or two explaining how this toy shop could afford a robotic Santa, but doesn't even try.  Again, going back to Violent Night, a lot of what happens in that film is explained away by Christmas magic, which even Santa doesn't understand.  It might not make sense, but it gives the audience a reason to believe in the events occurring during the film.  But the script for Christmas Bloody Christmas doesn't deliver even a sliver of an explanation and expects you'll go with it, which doesn't work.

It's a robotic Santa with laser eyes.  Do you have any idea how much that would cost?

And, I have to add, two of the actors playing law enforcement officers just felt off.  While they give good performances, their facial hair resembles Lemmy, and they don't look like cops.  Yeah, you can call me out for stereotyping two minor characters.  But if the script doesn't give them a bit of a back story, the actors need to look the part, or the audience might not accept them.

That's not to say writer/director/producer Joe Begos' film isn't without some good points.  The film has some good action scenes and impressive visual FXs.  Though the cinematography is pretty dark during the kills, I suspect it was to appease the MPAA, as the film was released in theaters.  And as the Santa-800 is damaged enough to reveal its robotics, the effects look great.  

And, bravo to Begos for getting the film made.  One has to admire his tenacity.  Anyone with a script and the ability to get it onscreen should be applauded.  I just wish he'd spent a bit more time working on the script.

I hate saying it, but I just can't recommend Christmas Bloody Christmas.  While I admire the fact that Begos was able to make the film, the script doesn't work and the dark cinematography makes some of the kills and action sequences hard to follow.  It's not a terrible film, but it just didn't deliver the holiday horror high I was hoping for.

Sorry, Riley, just couldn't recommend this Christmas movie.  Better luck on your next one.

The film is available on Shudder and other streaming services.