Happy Holidays to All!

I hope everyone is having a merry holiday season.  I know, things can get stressful, so I'm here with another edition of the Weekly Update, should you need to find some Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy event to get away from all the holiday hassles.

I want to apologize for missing last week's update, but it wasn't the merriest week at work, and the stress really drained me last Friday and Saturday.  Not to mention I developed a case of vertigo that lasted several hours earlier in the week.  I couldn't get out of bed without feeling like I was spinning, and had to lean against the walls just to make a trip to the bathroom.  That was not fun, but it appears I was lucky, as most cases linger for days or longer.  And believe me, that would have sucked!

Yeah, it was kind of like what Richard Dreyfuss is experiencing on his boat.

Anyway, I'm back, and this edition of the Weekly Update takes us to the end of 2023.  As for 2024, I've already started working upcoming events and cons taking place throughout the Pacific Northwest, and you'll find all the details at the Horror/Sci Fi/Fantasy Calendar.

Just to give a preview of what you'll find, I've got information on Wyrd War's multi-day March into Fantasy, featuring movies, music and an art show at three different venues in mid-March.  I've got guest updates for Crypticon Seattle, Emerald City Comic Con, and the Washington State Summer Con.  And you'll find a link to next month's 2024 Studio Ghibli Film Fest at OMSI.  I'm sure I'll find even more to include in the coming weeks, so keep checking back!

Oh great, just about time to get back to the day job.  I just have to get through the next few hours, then I can settle in for three days off.  

Again, happy holidays to all, and I'll be back next week with a look at the start of 2024!

Happening This Week

Live Attractions 

Strangest Things Haunted Farm (8917 Sprague Rd in Eugene, OR) opens its 2023 Christmas Haunt tonight.  The attraction is open Friday and Saturday, December 15, 16, 22 and 23, with a final chance to get scared on Saturday, December 30.

Kate Hamill's adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula: A Feminist Revenge Fantasy, Really, will be at the U.S. Bank Main Stage at the Portland Center Stage at the Armory (128 NW 11th Ave in Portland, OR) through Sunday, December 24.  Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve!  The show is in previews from Sunday, November 26 to Thursday, November 30, with the opening on Friday, December 1.  

The Halloween Cultural Preservation Museum closes for good after Sunday, December 31.  The museum is located in Lloyd Center (2201 Lloyd Center in Portland, OR), on the second floor inside the former Spenser's, next to Brickdeculous.  Admission is $5 to $8.

Hidden Worlds: The Films of LAIKA is open at the Museum of Pop Culture (located in the Seattle Center; 325 5th Ave N in Seattle, WA).  The exhibit features never-before-seen artifacts from the Laika production studios, immersive set displays, character interactive and a sneak peek at the studio's next feature, Wildwood.  The exhibit will be open through Summer 2024.

 

The Museum of Pop Culture (325 5th Ave N in Seattle, WA) has Jim Henson puppets and set pieces from the 2019 Netflix series The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance on display now.  You can read about the display, and the work the museum put into displaying the artifacts, at the link.

Back in Theaters

Joe Dante's holiday horror classic Gremlins is playing at McMenamins Kennedy School  (5736 NE 33rd Ave in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28).

Frank Capra's holiday fantasy classic, It's a Wonderful Life, is playing at The Grand Illusion Cinema (1403 NE 50th St in Seattle, WA; scheduled through Thursday, December 28 in GLORIOUS 35mm) the Kenworthy Performing Arts Centre (508 S Main St in Moscow, ID); scheduled through Saturday, December 23), the Kiggins Theatre (1011 Main St in Vancouver, WA; scheduled through Monday, December 25), and the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR; scheduled through Sunday, December 24, but all showings except on December 23 are SOLD OUT).

The Olympia Film Society Kids Club is showing The Nightmare Before Christmas every Sunday at 1 pm through December 24 at the Capitol Theater (206 5th Ave SE in Olympia, WA).  Kids 12 and under are admitted FREE.

First Run Features  

Poor Things, based on Alasdair Gray's novel about a young woman who is resurrected after her suicide to embark on an odyssey of self-discovery and sexual liberation, is playing at Cinema 21 (616 NW 21st Ave in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), The Grand Cinema (606 Fawcett Ave in Tacoma, WA; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), SIFF Cinema Egyptian (805 E Pine St in Seattle, WA; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Metro Cinemas (888 Willamette St in Eugene, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Laurelhurst Theater (2735 E Burnside St in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Pickford Film Center (1318 Bay St in Bellingham, WA; scheduled through Thursday, December 28),  the Living Room Theaters (341 SW 10th Ave in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), and the Salem Cinema (1127 Broadway St NE in Salem, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28).

Godzilla Minus One is playing at the Yelm Cinema (201 Prairie Park St SE in Yelm, WA; scheduled through Sunday, December 24), the Ark Lodge Cinemas (4816 Rainier Ave S in Seattle, WA; scheduled through Sunday, December 24).

Hayao Miyazaki's latest animated feature, The Boy and the Heron, is playing at Cinema 21 (616 NW 21st Ave in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Laurelhurst Theater (2735 E Burnside St in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), SIFF Cinema Uptown (511 Queen Anne Ave N in Seattle, WA; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), the Living Room Theaters (341 SW 10th Ave in Portland, OR; scheduled through Sunday, December 24), the Hollywood Theater (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR; scheduled through Wednesday, January 3), the Pickford Film Center (1318 Bay St in Bellingham, WA; scheduled through Sunday, December 24), the Ark Lodge Cinemas (4816 Rainier Ave S in Seattle, WA; scheduled through Sunday, December 24), and the Academy Theatre (7818 SE Stark St in Portland, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28).  

It opens on Thursday, December 28, at the North Bend Theatre (125 Bendigo Blvd N in North Bend, WA; scheduled through Saturday, December 30).

Okay, I've edited this to make it easier to read.  Please check the links to find out if the dubbed or subtitled version is playing at the theater near you.

The dark comedy fantasy Dream Scenario, starring Nicolas Cage, is playing at the Metro Cinemas (888 Willamette St in Eugene, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28), and the Darkside Cinema (215 SW 4th St in Corvallis, OR; scheduled through Thursday, December 28).

The film opens on Thursday, December 28, at the Capitol Theater (206 5th Ave SE in Olympia, WA; scheduled through Thursday, January 4), and opens on Tuesday, December 26, at the Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC; scheduled through Friday, December 29).

Film Festival Submission Information 

 

The Northwest Flying Saucer Film Festival returns to McFiler's Chehalis Theater (558 N Market Blvd in Chehalis, WA) this September, and will begin accepting submissions of UFO themed shorts, documentaries, animations or music videos from Northwest filmmakers on January 1.  Deadline is August 18, 2024.

The BoneBat Comedy of Horrors Film Fest 2024, taking place on Saturday, April 13, 2024, at the SIFF Cinema Egyptian (805 E Pine St in Seattle, WA) is now accepting submissions through Friday, March 1.  Visit the link for details.

December, 2023  

Friday, December 22

Yippee ki-yay, motherf*er!  Weird Elephant at The Grand Cinema (606 Fawcett Ave in Tacoma, WA) will screen the Christmas classic Die Hard tonight and tomorrow.

The film is also playing at the Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) tonight at 11:30 pm. and the Tracyton Movie House (1520 NE Riddell Rd in Bremerton, WA; scheduled through Sunday, December 24).

The Finnish Christmas horror film Rare Exports plays through Monday, December 24, at the Darkside Cinema (215 SW 4th St in Corvallis, OR).

The Night of a Thousand Pee-Wees at the PAM CUT Tomorrow Theater (3530 SE Division St in Portland, OR) concludes with a screening of the feature film Buffy the Vampire Slayer (remember, he was a vampire) tonight 9 pm.  The link has all the other Pee Wee goodness being shown.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is playing today at 7 pm, and tomorrow at 2 pm, at the Egyptian Theatre (229 S Broadway in Coos Bay, OR).

Saturday, December 23

Yippee Ki Yay, Mother F*er!  The Centralia Ballet brings the Christmas action classic Die Hard to the McFiler's Chehalis Theater (558 N Market Blvd in Chehalis, WA) tonight at 8:45 pm.  No ballet will be done during the film, which is too bad.  That would have been fun.

The film is also playing at the Deeply Rooted Bar (4765 NE Fremont St in Portland, OR) tonight at 7 pm, with De'voreaux Sefas White (who played Argyle in the film) in attendance.  Tickets are still available.

The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) is screening Frank Capra's holiday classic It's a Wonderful Life tonight at 7 pm.

The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) will show Tyler MacIntyre's slasher take on the Frank Capra classic, It's a Wonderful Knife, tonight at 10 pm.  Oh, I didn't know the Rio is in the film, and the filmmakers will be in attendance.  You can read my review of the film here.

The Beacon (4405 Rainier Ave S in Seattle, WA) is showing the Bob Clark Christmas classic (no, the other one!) Black Christmas tonight at 7 pm.  You can read my review of the film here.

The Beacon (4405 Rainier Ave S in Seattle, WA) will show Baivi Hartzell's The Snow Queen tonight at 9:30 pm.

The Finnish Christmas horror film Rare Exports plays tonight and tomorrow at the Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR).

Sunday, December 24

The Muppet Christmas Carol is playing at the Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) today at 10:45 am.

The Finnish Christmas horror film Rare Exports is playing at the Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) tonight at 8 pm.

The Beacon (4405 Rainier Ave S in Seattle, WA) will screen two episodes from the BBC's A Ghost Story for Christmas tonight at 5 pm.  The episodes are an adaptation of Charles Dickens' The Signalman and the adaptation of M.R. James' Whistle and I'll Come to You.

The North Bend Theatre (125 Bendigo Blvd N in North Bend, WA) is screening Frank Capra's holiday classic It's a Wonderful Life today at 11 am.

Tuesday, December 26

The mini-Carpenter Fest at Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) opens tonight with two screenings of his first movie, Dark Star, at 7 and 9:30 pm.

The Lord of the Rings Week at the Kenworthy Performing Arts Centre (508 S Main St in Moscow, ID) is showing the extended versions of each film through Friday, December 29, with a full day marathon on Thursday, December 28.  Visit the link for details and showtimes.

The Hollywood Theatre (4122 NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, OR) will show Stanley Kubrick's sci fi classic 2001: A Space Odyssey in GLORIOUS 70mm through Saturday, December 30.  Look, if you haven't see the film is this format, do not miss this opportunity if you can see it.  It's just hypnotic.  

Wednesday, December 27

Church of Film brings the Finnish version off The Snow Queen will play at the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton St in Portland, OR) tonight at 7 pm.

The mini-Carpenter Fest at Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) continues tonight with two screenings of his Satanic classic, Prince of Darkness, at 7 and 9:30 pm.

If you're still in the mood for some cheesy Christmas films, check out Santa Claus vs. The Devil at 7 pm tonight at the Whiteside Theatre (361 SW Madison Ave in Corvallis, OR).

Thursday, December 28

The mini-Carpenter Fest at Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) continues tonight with a Hecklevision screening of Escape from L.A. at 8 pm.

Friday, December 29

The mini-Carpenter Fest at Central Cinema (1411 21st Ave in Seattle, WA) concludes with his sci fi/horror classic, The Thing, with screenings tonight and tomorrow at 7 and 9:30 pm.

Maleficent - Mistress of Evil is playing today at 7 pm, and tomorrow at 2 pm, at the Egyptian Theatre (229 S Broadway in Coos Bay, OR).

Saturday, December 30

The last screening for 2023 at the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton St in Portland, OR) is the Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In, presented by Queer Screams Film Festival, tonight at 7 pm.  Tickets are on sale now.

The Rio Theatre (1660 East Broadway in Vancouver, BC) is showing The Dark Crystal today at 11:45 pm, and on Monday, January 1, at 1:45 pm.

Neil Breen's sci fi film Cade: The Tortured Crossing is playing at The Grand Illusion Cinema (1403 NE 50th St in Seattle, WA) tonight at 9:15 pm.

Sunday, December 31

The Social Cinema series at the PAM CUT Tomorrow Theater (3530 SE Division St in Portland, OR) brings Ghostbusters II back to the big screen tonight at 6 pm.  It seems fitting, as the film takes place on New Years Eve.  The Portland Ghostbusters will kick off the evening with some pre-show fun.  Doors open at 5 pm.

Jack Frost 2: The Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

Look, sometimes lightning strikes at the right time, in the right place.  And that happened with the 1997 horror comedy Jack Frost.  With the decent marketing, outlandish plot, and the cast playing it straight (and delivering good performances), the film was a direct-to-home-video success.  So, of course, we're going to a get a sequel, but...

Really, Chris, you're going back to the bottom of the barrel.

Hey, Ghost of Christmas Past.  I liked the first one, and in my review of it, I said I'd get to the sequel.  If I can't follow up my promise for twelve holiday reviews by the end of December, I'm at least going to get to this film.

Well, I can respect that.

Hey, I'm doing my best.  Now please leave, and let me get to this review.

Fine.  See you soon.

Oh, lucky me.  Okay, so the first Jack Frost (not the Keaton movie) was a home video success, so it's no surprise writer/ director Michael Cooney (oh, wow, he wrote Identity, starring John Cusack, Ray Lotta and Amanda Peet; I didn't expect that on his resume) was able to raise enough money for a sequel three years later.  But, honestly, we didn't need it.  The film offers no reason for a follow-up, other than to make more money and set up a franchise.  Oh yeah, Cooney had plans for a third.  More on that later.

The film takes place a year after the events at Snowmonton, where Sheriff Sam Tiler (Christopher Allport) and his wife Anne (Eileen Seeley) are heading out to a tropical island to celebrate the wedding of deputy Joe (Chip Heller) and his fiancee Marie (Marsha Clark).

Look, it's nice that the original actors are back.  But it doesn't make the movie a must watch.  As before, they all are good, but the script doesn't give any reason for the audience to care about their reprising their roles.  

Of course, some government agency is still interested in using snowman Jack (voiced once again by Scott MacDonald) as a weapon, so they dig him up and allow him to escape, because of course they do.  No government facility is secure enough to stop a movie plot.

You "snow" I'd be back.  I'll see myself out now.

Jack is able to follow Sam to the island, because in the first film, their DNA mixed when Sam and Jack dropped into the ani-freeze trap the sheriff set up.  Yeah, okay, I'm a fan of bad 50s sci fi films, so I can get the SCIENCE! behind this (and if you don't shout it, it's not 50s SCIENCE!).  It also gives Jack a weakness the cast can exploit, which is good, as Jack now seems to be a snow god on par with Elsa in that Disney film.  He's now able to manipulate the weather, can create indestructible, murderous snowball critters, and is unaffected by anti-freeze.  

Look, this worked in Gremlins.  What's the problem now?

So, with Sam succumbing to his PTSD, Anne has to step up and find a way to stop Jack, as snowy mayhem ensues.

If you've seen the first one, you know what to expect, an intentionally cheesy horror film with low budget effects, plenty of gore and, this time, some gratuitous nudity.  We even get an appearance from Doug Jones (yes, THAT Doug Jones).  But this time, something's missing, and I think it's due to the setting.

Hey' we're shoot at a location with a pool.  Might as well use it for a skinny dipping scene!

Look, I get that relying on the weather to deliver what a filmmaker wants is dicey.  You plan shooting at a location that usually has snow, but it turns out to be a dry year.  You go to film in Hawaii, and the film is delayed due to a hurricane.  You can't predict the weather, so setting this film at a tropical resort seems a good idea, as you can fake a tropical island better easier than trying to fill a town with snow.

But, the first Jack Frost location gave the film a bit more charm.  The second one comes off looking terribly cheap.  And moving the location to somewhere sunnier doesn't keep with the Christmas vibe.  Though Jack does cover the island with snow, the film looses the holiday charm of the original, just like Silent Night, Deadly Night 2.  If you're making a Christmas slasher film, the setting needs to fit the season.  You can't just throw up a few Christmas lights and call it good.

Sorry, it just doesn't look as good as the first film.

But the biggest problem with this film is it tries too hard to capture what made the original work.  Sometimes, you just have to accept that your first effort was the best you could do with the story, and just let it go.  But I'm sure the idea of a franchise, and the money that comes with it, was impossible for filmmaker Conney to resist.  I can't blame him for making a sequel when he could, but I don't think he should have.

As I mentioned, Conney teases a third film with an end credit scene.  Yeah, he was planning Jackzilla.  Appears that wasn't a joke, though I think it's better left as a comedic final scene.

Look, the original Jack Frost is a fun holiday slasher.  But Jack Frost 2 just doesn't work.  It might be fine playing in the background while you wrap presents or prepare your holiday meal.  But if you're going to sit down on a cold winter night and watch a Christmas horror film, I can suggest others more worth your time.

You won't want to got to this extreme while watching the film.  You'll just wonder why you bothered.

A Christmas Carol (1971)

Alright, time to address my lack of reviewing films based Charles Dickens classic.  In ways, I find them lacking.  Filmmakers tend to focus more on the season, and forget the story is a creepy Christmas ghost story.  But this animated version, broadcast on ABC in December of 1971, delivers the message, and chills, in just 25 minutes.

 Well, Chris, you're finally getting to this classic.  I didn't think you had it in you.  But why this version?

Because it really follows the beats of Charles Dickens' story.  And it doesn't shy away from delivering some Christmas fear.

Okay, I can see that.  Please continue.

Thank you.  Though I expect to see you later.

Of  course.  I have to uphold the tradition

Yeah, great, thanks.  Okay, I don't think we need to get too detailed in the plot.  Scrooge is a miser, visited by ghosts intent on making him a better person.  And, by showing him visions of Christmas past, present and future, Scrooge becomes a better person, holding the spirit of the season in his heart year round.

If only it was that easy.  I don't see Elon Musk changing his ways by a haunting like this.  He'd probably just post on Twitter/X that some woke ghosts are out to get him.

Oh, I'd be so all over the internet after this.

So, why review this version of the timeless tale.  Well, the animation is gorgeous.  Director Richard Williams (The Thief and the Cobbler, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) worked with animator Ken Harris (How the Grinch Stole Christmas) to deliver a unique style for the animated feature.  Sure, most of the feature is standard cell animation, but unlike other animated Christmas features, we get moments that look like an oil painting come to life.  It's beautiful, with some sweeping shots that are pure art.  And we get transparent ghosts!  I can only guess how hard they were to animate.  Oh, and did I mention they're scary as possible for a broadcast animated feature!

Yeah, this is some Christmas nightmare fuel right here.

And, I can't not talk about the Ghost of Christmas Past.  This version is the closest to Dickens' description I've seen put to film.  And I get that some past versions of the tale were limited by visual effects at the time.  But given John Fulton's work on 1933's The Invisible Man, I suspect someone could have tackled a truer version of this ghost than the ones in previous versions.

Oh, I'd love to see a practical VFX version of this ghost.

Alastair Sim and Michael Hordern reprise their roles as Scrooge and Marley, who they portrayed in 1951's Scrooge, which is great.  The rest of the voice cast is equally good, and helps to deliver the emotional impact you'd expect.  Animator Chuck Jones was executive producer, but let the animation team deliver a stunning feature without his classic characteristics (which I love, by the way).  And kudos to him, as a Grinchy version of this Christmas classic wouldn't be as powerful.

The film was released theatrically after its broadcast premiere, making it eligible for Oscar consideration, and it won for Best Animated Short Film in 1972.  However, some industry insiders took issue that a television show was given the award, and the Academy changed its policy, disqualifying eligibility for any future works broadcasted on television.  It seems silly now, as streaming services are releasing films into theaters.  But at the time, any television production wasn't considered true art.  So now, release a film in theaters BEFORE it's available online, and you've got some Oscar consideration.  As I said, it's silly, but that's the world we live in.

To my knowledge, this version of A Christmas Carol has not had an official home video release, which is stunning to me.  So many subpar versions of the tale exist, I'd like to see this one get a Blu-Ray version.  Well, I hope Santa reads this review and we'll get a proper release next year.  Until that time, you can watch it on YouTube.  And I suggest you do, as it's a great version of a Christmas ghost story.

Check it out.  I suspect you'll like it.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

A film dealing with a Santa-800 running rampant through a small town sounds like fun, but...

Hi, Chris.  It's the Ghost of Christmas Past.  I'm back!

Yeah, like a bad case of food borne illness. 

Just a reminder, you've only done three reviews this month, and it's half over.

Hey, I posted a review of Godzilla Minus One.

That's not a Christmas movie.

It's a big Christmas gift for Kiaju fans.  And a great movie.

Doesn't count.  Oh, and you missed posting the Weekly Update last Friday.

I know.  But I was sick last week, and my weekend shift was bloody hell.  Cut me a bit of slack.

No can do.  That's not how Christmas Ghosts work.

Whatever.  Just go away so I can get back to writing this review.

Sure.  See you later.

Oh, lucky me.  So, Christmas Bloody Christmas.  Basically, this is a low-budget take on The Terminator, only the killer robot is dressed as Santa.  Sounds like fun, but the film has some flaws that limits its ho-ho-horror delivery.  

The film opens on Christmas Eve, where record store owner Tori (Riley Dandy, who's appeared in a few less-horrific Christmas films) is looking forward to a night of drinking and getting laid by a Tinder date.  Her employee Sam (Robbie Reynolds), who's crushing on her, convinces her to spend the night drinking with him instead.  

During a stop at a local bar, the two see a news broadcast about robotic Santas, based off a US Defense Department program, malfunctioning.  But that doesn't bother them, even though pair visit a local toy store to visit a couple who work there, and has one of the Santa units, apparently switched off.

But after they leave, the Santa-800 activates itself, grabs an axe, kills the two employees (while they're having sex, of course), and heads out to create some Christmas mayhem.  And Tori gets caught up in the bloody rampage.

Well, I've got an axe, and evil green eyes.  Your milk and cookies won't be enough to appease me.

While the film sounds like fun, it didn't work for me for a few reasons.  The biggest flaw is that Tori comes off as unlikeable right off, and the script gives her no opportunity to change during the events of the evening.  It's not the fault of Dandy, who gives a good performance, but the script gives her a personality that's just grating and leaves you cheering on the Santa-800.

I'm not saying characters have to be likable when they're introduced in a film.  They can have flaws, but a protagonist needs some redeeming qualities to make the audience want them to survive the upcoming conflict.  Comparing Tori with David Harbour's Santa in Violent Night, you can see how the script fails her character.  

At the start of Violent Night, Santa's not a likable character.  He's cynical about Christmas and kids, he pukes on a bartender, and seems more interested in getting drunk than delivering gifts.  But his antics are presented in a comedic tone, and his reasons for being Grinchy are relatable.  And through his relationship with Trudy, Santa is given a redemption arc that Tori lacks.  While Santa still has some rough edges at the conclusion of the film, we've seen him become a better person than he was at the start of the film.

Unfortunately, after her battle with the Santa-800, it's easy to feel Tori's will be the same insufferable person as she was in the opening.  While it's fine to have a character the audience doesn't like at the start of a film, the events of the script needs to make them more appealing, or else it's hard hope they survive.  As I said, Dandy is good in the role, but the script gives her little to work with, or make me not care if the Santa-800 kills her.

Sure, she's covered in blood and takes on the robotic Santa by herself.  But dammit, I just didn't care.

Another problem is how a small town toy shop could afford a robotic Santa.  Sure. some large chain stores buying such a device makes sense, as a robot doesn't need breaks, their programming will insure they don't call out sick or have a bad day that affects customers.  That's capitalism, baby.

But we have no indication that such an extravagant device would be affordable to small retail stores, given potential upgrades and replacing worn out parts.  The script could have delivered a line or two explaining how this toy shop could afford a robotic Santa, but doesn't even try.  Again, going back to Violent Night, a lot of what happens in that film is explained away by Christmas magic, which even Santa doesn't understand.  It might not make sense, but it gives the audience a reason to believe in the events occurring during the film.  But the script for Christmas Bloody Christmas doesn't deliver even a sliver of an explanation and expects you'll go with it, which doesn't work.

It's a robotic Santa with laser eyes.  Do you have any idea how much that would cost?

And, I have to add, two of the actors playing law enforcement officers just felt off.  While they give good performances, their facial hair resembles Lemmy, and they don't look like cops.  Yeah, you can call me out for stereotyping two minor characters.  But if the script doesn't give them a bit of a back story, the actors need to look the part, or the audience might not accept them.

That's not to say writer/director/producer Joe Begos' film isn't without some good points.  The film has some good action scenes and impressive visual FXs.  Though the cinematography is pretty dark during the kills, I suspect it was to appease the MPAA, as the film was released in theaters.  And as the Santa-800 is damaged enough to reveal its robotics, the effects look great.  

And, bravo to Begos for getting the film made.  One has to admire his tenacity.  Anyone with a script and the ability to get it onscreen should be applauded.  I just wish he'd spent a bit more time working on the script.

I hate saying it, but I just can't recommend Christmas Bloody Christmas.  While I admire the fact that Begos was able to make the film, the script doesn't work and the dark cinematography makes some of the kills and action sequences hard to follow.  It's not a terrible film, but it just didn't deliver the holiday horror high I was hoping for.

Sorry, Riley, just couldn't recommend this Christmas movie.  Better luck on your next one.

The film is available on Shudder and other streaming services.

Godzilla Minus One (2023)

 

After 2016’s amazing Shin Godzilla, it took a while for Toho Studio to give us a follow up. Another stand alone film, Godzilla Minus One gives us Godzilla as a metaphor for war, and how humans deal with the crushing effects imposed by mass destruction.  And, damn, it's a great film.

The film opens on a small airfield on an island in Japan, as kamekazi pilot Koichi Shikishima (Ryunosuke Kamiki) feigns mechanical issues to avoid his mission. After mechanic Sosaku Tachibana (Munetaka Aoki) tactfully calls him out, the island is attacked by a twenty to thirty foot Godzilla. 

Koichi goes to his plane, with the intent of shooting the giant monster with the plane’s guns, but freezes, allowing the creature to kill everyone on the base but Koichi and Tachibana, who blames the pilot for the deaths of the others on the island. 

Things don’t get much better for Koichi when he returns home to find his family died during the bombing  and his neighbor, Sumiko Ota (Sakura Ando), blames him for not following his mission and causing the death of her family.

Koichi gets involved with Noriko Oishi (Manami Hamabe), a woman trying to survive in the ruins of Tokyo with Akiko, a child she “adopted” after her parents died.  Dealing with this new family, Koichi gets a job clearing the mines left in the waters surrounding Japan after the war.  But Godzilla comes back, juiced up by the Bikini Atoll test, and unleashes hell on post-war Japan. While America is unwilling to bring its military might to confront the threat, fearing such actions might provoke the Soviet Union, it falls upon a group of Japanese civilians to take Godzilla down

And, of course, kiaju mayhem ensues.

 I'm here to stomp across Japan and chew bubble gum.  And I can't find enough bubble gum.

But mayhem is not what this film is about. It’s about people dealing with the destructive consequences of war, expected to fight a devastating power that dwarfs their capabilities, and how it affects them should they survive. Whether or not you condone how the characters react in the film, it all feels very real. 

Unlike Shin Godzilla, which highlights a government's inability to react to a massive threat (I'm not going to say the Japanese government, as that film could apply to any world power), writer/director (and VFX director) Takashi Yamazaki harkens back to Godzilla as a metaphor for nuclear war (his heat breath unleashes a mushroom cloud), while dealing the struggles of those caught in the middle. And the guilt Koichi feels for his inaction during the war delivers an emotional impact that I didn’t expect from a kaiju film.  You'll probably find some tears in your eyes during the final act, as I did, but the script earns it.  Even if the last scene feels improbable, I was happy to cry during it.  It showed that, no matter the horrors we face from government dictates, and events beyond our control, we can always find a space for forgiveness and peace.   It's a powerful message, as characters put their animosities aside and forgive those they feel failed them.  I must admit, I really felt hope for humanity watching this film.

Takashi does include several scenes that harken back to the 1954 classic, which is fun for fans.  But it also cements the fact that he's using the monster as a metaphor for something bigger than simple kiaju thrills.  Not that it doesn't deliver on that aspect.  The sequences when Godzilla appears are as exhilarating as any recent giant monster movie, despite the low budget.  Seriously, given the reported budget, the VFXs are amazing.  

But such thrills aren't due to the effects, as good as they are.  As most of the movie is spent with the human characters, it's their reaction to the threat that makes the action sequences so engaging.  I wouldn't have been so engaged during the boat chase had Takashi not spent time with the crew of the mine-sweeping boat that Koichi is on.  The three other crew members are so well written, and the actors are so good, that, while I expected they'd survive (as the main protagonist is aboard), I was still concerned for their safety.  I wanted them all to live, and worried somehow they'd die and Koichi would be the sole survivor.  That's great filmmaking.

Sure, this scene is cool.  But if you care about the people on the boat, it's more terrifying.  Just like Jaws.

I don't want to say much more about this film, and risk spoilers, other than you must see it on the big screen if you can.  If you don't like giant monster movies, well, you're probably not reading this review.  But, again, this isn't about Godzilla, the film is about the people that have to react against the overwhelming force facing them, after dealing with the horrors of a war that caused as much devastation as the giant lizard stomping across Japan.

The emotional impact delivered by Godzilla Minus One  makes it a strong candidate for the best film I've seen this year, which includes my previous number one, Oppenheimer.  Yeah, it's that good, and it deserves the box office attention it's receiving.

I get every studio is trying to create a money making cinematic universe, but I really hope Toho keeps giving us one offs like Godzilla Minus One. Let Legendary Pictures continue the Monsterverse.  I'll go see them for the thrills, but I’d like Toho to continue to deliver Kiaju movies with a message and an emotional impact. As this film proves, there’s room for both. 

 Metaphor or not, this Godzilla is terrifying in this film.

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

 

If you're going to remake a classic film, you should try to deliver something new, and It's a Wonderful Knife certainly tries.  Taking the basic plot from Frank Capra's 1946 Christmas movie, this film adds a slasher into the mix, and the results...

Well now, it's 5 am.  This is rather early for you to be writing, Chris.

Oh great, the Ghost of Christmas Past is back.  As if this sudden bout of insomnia isn't enough to deal with.

I told you I'd be checking in with you.  And I see you're working on your third review, and the month is almost half over.  You're behind, as usual.

I thought you Christmas ghosts were suppose to teach people lessons about life, not taunt them.

What's the difference?  We taunt people by reminding them of their failings in life, and they learn a lesson.

What?  That can't be right.

Just think about it while you're righting this review.  Seems quite fitting.  Bye!

Oh, this day is starting out great.  Insomnia, a visit from that pesky ghost, and I have to start my work week in about six hours.  How could things...  You know, I'm not going to ask that, I'm just getting to the review.

The film takes opens on Christmas Eve in the town of Angel Falls, as real estate tycoon Henry Waters (Justin Long: Live Free or Die Hard, Drag Me to Hell, Tusk) is trying to convince the final property owner holding out to sell, so he can develop a luxurious shopping center.  The man refuses, and is soon murdered by a figure dressed in white.

Meanwhile, Winnie Carruthers (Jane Widdop: Yellowjackets) is heading out to a Christmas Eve party with her friend Cara, the granddaughter of the man refusing to sell his property to Waters.  To no one's surprise, the killer crashes the party, killing Cara and her boyfriend, then attempting to kill Winnie's brother Jimmy.  But Winnie takes him out first and, surprise, the killer is Henry Waters.

Have to say, the killer's look is iconic.  I can't think of another slasher wearing white so well.

The film cuts to a year later, and Winnie, along with Angel Falls, isn't having a great time.  Her family is ignoring the events from last year (and I should mention Winnie's father worked for Waters), Henry's brother Buck confronts her, her application to NYU was rejected, and she gets a pink tracksuit as an early Christmas gift, while Jimmy gets a truck.

Heading off to a party, Winnie runs into Bernie (Jess McLeod: Van Helsing TV series), a social outcast everyone, including Winnie, calls "Weirdo."  When asking about her boyfriend, Bernie suggests looking in the backyard, while some other party goers tell her to check out the laundry room.  The laundry room was the right answer, as Winnie finds out her boyfriend has been cheating on her for over a year.  Confronting Bernie about her misdirection, Bernie replies she was only trying to protect her.  Though I'm not sure why.  

This ties into a problem with writer Michael Kennedy's (Freaky) script, so I need to explain now that Winnie and Bernie have no real connection at this point in the story.  It makes no sense why Bernie would be so protective of Winnie, until later in the film.  But let's get on with the plot.

Contemplating suicide, Winnie goes out to the waterfront and, while viewing the lights of the aurora (a rare sight for Angel Falls), she wishes she was never born.  And wish granted, as she witnesses a man killed by the slasher she didn't kill, now dubbed The Angel.

 Still loving the look.

Buck is now the sheriff, Henry is the mayor, and her family doesn't recognize her.  Even worse, her brother Jimmy, and her aunt's (Katharine Isabelle: Ginger Snaps) partner were killed by The Angel.  Winnie heads back to a party at the house she went to last year, only to find everyone smoking crack rather than drinking.  She meets with Bernie again, and, at some point, asks her to be her Clarence.  Yep, if the title wasn't enough to clue you in, we get this reference.

Bernie takes Winnie to her house, and we get some insight into Bernie's fractured family.  Bernie also questions the timing of Winnie's appearance, as a party goer was killed by The Angel.  Fortunately for Winnie, the slasher attacks, Bernie takes her to the movie theater she works at, and they deduce The Angel is killing the children of property owners Henry Waters wants to buy from, causing them to sell out and leave the town.

Um, it appears Bernie might be might be a bit of a conspiracy nut.  You might want to rethink your choices in friends, Winnie.

Winnie decides to make things right, and, of course, slasher mayhem ensues.

As I said earlier, if you're going to remake a classic, do something different with the story, and this film does.  It's not about the lives Winnie changed, but the lives she saved by killing Henry.  And the film reveals that Bernie was contemplating suicide this Christmas, making Winnie the Clarence figure.  While the script never develops the idea fully, it's a nice twist.

Okay, SPOILERS IN THE NEXT SIX PARAGRAPHS.

Unfortunately, Kennedy's script has some flaws.  While I'm fine accepting the aurora somehow grants Winnie her wish of never being born (it does add a deadline for Winnie, as the aurora is fading), Henry's mystical powers to enthrall a crowd of followers needs some explaining.  The crowd is obviously enchanted, as their eyes are glowing, and how Henry got such power is never explained.  And though the spell is broken, Henry's followers are forgiven for their actions because, well, they were enchanted.  The script absolves their complacency, and that's annoying.

Hey, I'm a rich businessman, a politician, and I have hypnotic powers.  So I should be your favorite mayor.

My other issue with the script is where I start treading on thin ice.  So please, read everything I have to say before posting comments.

Winnie and Bernie end up as a couple by the end of the film, but the script doesn't give us a reason why this happens.  Sure, Winnie is surrounded by gay couples.  Her aunt is in a relationship with a woman, and we have a scene of two male jocks kissing at the party in the opening act.  And, as they should, no one questions it.  

But Winnie starts the movie with a boyfriend, and nothing suggests she's questioning her sexuality.  Okay, she finds out he's cheating on her, but the script never gives us an indication that this would somehow lead to Winnie starting a relationship with a woman.  And let's be honest, Bernie is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, leading me to further wonder why Winnie falls for her.  

Oh, we are so going to be a couple by the end of this film, because the script says so.  No other reason.

Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with the romantic ending.  I just wish Kennedy's script had done more to show why it happened.  And he does it, in his script for Freaky.  If you've seen the film, you know I'm referring to the kiss between Millie, who's trapped in a male serial killer's body, and Booker, who has a crush on her.  It's a wonderful moment that the script builds up to in a realistic fashion.  But Winnie and Bernie becoming a potential couple isn't as well developed.  

I know such sudden realizations happen (Cassanda Peterson's coming out story is a perfect example).  But the script feels as if Kennedy wanted the romance to happen and wrote it in, without developing why it would happen.  Again, I'm not saying the two shouldn't have gotten together.  But the script makes it feel that Winnie, upon discovering her boyfriend is cheating on her, decides to start dating women, which makes the budding relationship feel cheap.  I'd have liked the script to give us some justification for the romance, rather than expecting us just to accept it.

END OF SPOILERS.

It's a Wonderful Knife is a fine holiday slasher flick.  The cast is great, and director Tyler MacIntyre (writer of Five Nights at Freddy's and director of a segment of V/H/S/99) delivers some great moments (the attack at the theater in the final act is really well done).  While I think had Kennedy done a bit more work on the script, this could have become a holiday horror classic.  Even if it falls short of that goal, it's still a fun little watch if you're looking for some Yuletide fear.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for Yuletide fear.